Know what you don’t want

I don’t have regrets.

The closest I have ever been to regretting anything, was my 1-year long weekend diploma in editing (back in Poland) which I paid for myself (spending all my savings) and which I passionately hated. The entirety of it, to the point that I actually repressed the whole thing. It was one of the worst academic experiences I have ever had. But still, from perspective, I wouldn’t say I regret it. You bet I could have spent that amount of money on a trip to Australia, which was my big dream back then. But my ultimate lesson here is that if I didn’t do this stupid diploma, I would never know – not for sure at least – that becoming an editor is not a feasible option for me. And I clearly did think so beforehand. If there really was anything “worth” regretting, it would be putting up with this hateful bullshit to the very end, even though I knew I’m never going to go anywhere near editing ever again. Instead of listening to myself, I let other people’s voices convince me that it “may become useful later”. Well, it didn’t.

But this was Ania from a lifetime ago, with so little trust in herself, and with all those big, life-altering lessons still ahead of her – I’d cut her some slack. She did best she could.

Late Bloomer

Once in a while I like to look through my old pictures. Of which, as an amateur photographer, I have a real abundance. It’s one of my main aids in the battle against darker times. Works wonders when crippling doubts are driving me mad. They put things in perspective.

I used to think I’ve done everything in my life either wrong or way too late. To be totally honest, some part of me is still wrestling with that thought.

Don’t kid yourself

When I moved to Scotland the second time round, a lot of things became apparent to me. One of the biggest realisations was that my best teacher was so damn right: I am a late bloomer. I need more time, but there’s nothing wrong with that. It really doesn’t matter how fast you go. It’s all about the journey, “the getting there” bit. Happiness does not sit at the top of the mountain you want to climb. Often some of the best views are on the way up. Or down. Or around. Or sideways.

Watch out, it’s going to get a wee bit philosophical here.

Lessons of 2020

Internet’s drowning in memes depicting the passing year as the worst one we had in ages. People are summing up their losses, praying for 2021 to be at least slightly less disastrous, while I’m sitting here, cuddled up on the sofa with a cup of my favourite hot chocolate in hand, wondering whether it’s possible that I’ve just lived through one of the best years of my life. Can I even say it?

2020 was certainly a test, and not an easy one at that. But I feel like I’m getting out of it with more gains than losses. And amongst those gains, there are five life lessons worth remembering, pandemic or not.