The title of this blogpost is a rough translation of a favourite saying that my friend Kuba (who also took the above picture) repeats all-the-bloody-time, like a broken record. I don’t even remember when and how it all started, because it’s been going on for years. No matter what situation we find ourselves in, it always fits. The ultimate truth about life: what looks easy never is easy. Ironically, if you really want an easy life, you have to put a lot of work and effort into it.
Duh, things never just become easy, you have to work hard on making them easier.
I read somewhere once that being miserable is easy while being happy takes all the guts. And the older I get, the more it resonates, even though originally it just pissed me off. If you think this is an oxymoron, you most likely are miserable yourself and look at happy people with resentment: why do they have it so easy when I’m struggling here so damn much? It’s unfair! At least that was me once. Seeing only the final result or highlights (which is normally on display, especially on social media these days), it’s easy to assume it must be blind luck. And sure, in some cases maybe it is, but in my personal experience intentionally and maturely happy people do not rely on any kind of luck. They rely on their own capabilities, self-awareness and reality as it is.
Being miserable, especially here and now, is almost ridiculously easy. Let’s be honest, just flowing with the current lands you at misery station in no time! Maybe it has always been that way, hard to say, after all people love to romanticise the good old days. My point is that if you only let it, life will gladly tear you apart in its own time. Passivity invites complications. It’s super easy to let it flood and drown you. It’s way harder (as it requires intentional effort) to learn swimming.
Not so long ago I have been living my life from one trip to another, from one gig to the next, scrupulously ignoring my increasingly miserable daily routine. The only thing that counted was that bright point in my future, a promise of that wink from happiness. New ticket, new date marked on my calendar, new countdown, it was like extending my life: it is worth living till September because that’s when Muse is going to make me cry out of happiness again.
And guess which bit I was sharing with the world? Happy crying, of course.
Changing this was a long and painful process, of course, but I eventually realised that one stops looking for happiness in distant past or future only when they learn how to notice its scraps here and now: in those tiniest, mundane things, in that boring daily routine. We all tend to postpone happiness for later: when I lose weight, when I finish my degree, when I get a better job, when I get my own flat, when I fall in love, when I marry, when I have kids, when I move away, when I start eating better, when I’m on annual leave, when I travel half of the world, when I write that book, just insert whatever floats your boat: that’s when you’re going to be happy. When: the empty promise that keeps us all going. Then we eventually get to one of those “whens” and are shocked that happiness is still nowhere to be seen. Why the hell don’t I feel it now? What the fuck is wrong with me?
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the end result that really counts, but the journey towards it. If you never learn how to enjoy the process (with all its difficulties), you’ll never know how to enjoy the final result either. Simple as that. Happiness doesn’t just happen, easy doesn’t just comes into your life out of nowhere.
It may sound like something taken out of one of those lame self-help books, but it’s bloody true: you should start your hunt for happiness here and now, where you’re currently at. Sniff it out in whatever you already have and whatever may be knocking to your door this minute. Try finding it in whatever you yourself are willing to offer to the world at the moment. Yes, I know, I also thought it’s absolutely fucking impossible: how on earth am I supposed to scrape out any sort of happiness out of this bottomless hole of misery that is my boring life!? Well, this is where that intentional work and effort comes in. Believe me, there is nothing better to wait around for, no one is coming to save you, offer you a better chance, magic fix or more time. You only really have here and now. As Placebo sings: we can build a new tomorrow today. Try it.
As I once wrote: it takes effort and determination to learn to appreciate little things. No one said happiness is easy. But, oh boy, it’s so worth it!
And, ironically yet again, that hard work eventually pays off and indeed makes life easier in the long run.
dreamyania 