Change is the only constant in life and every change (even the positive one) is hard by definition, because alongside its every gain, there’s always a loss. And vice versa. What’s more, some of the changes are not our choices (nor consequences of such) and we have absolutely no control over them. And yet they emotionally affect us in the same way (or even more). Unexpected, unwanted, unfair or unannounced, they all need to be acknowledged and lived through anyway. Because all emotions are ought to be felt, even when they are unwanted and hurt like hell. Well, especially then.
Emotional pain is awful, yes, but it’s also very natural.
Right. So how does one soothes that pain?
The first thing that comes to mind is, of course, closeness to someone who cares for you. Reaching out and getting a bear-hug from someone you love, opening up to them, sharing the pain and letting them support you through it. That’s an obvious one: safe, reassuring touch and space to talk your pain through can work absolute wonders.
But not all of us, and not at all times, have access to this kind of safe relationships. What then?
I’d say turn to music. Put the headphones on and go out in nature. Breathe in and out. That’s the second best thing you can do.
Over the years, whenever pain washes over me in massive waves, music is there to console me. There are so many songs that describe my emotions way better than I ever could (and mind that I try to describe my emotions almost daily!). There are tunes and lyrics forever bound with some difficult moments and emotions in my life. This could be an obvious downside, but also a very needed reminder that you’ve made it. You not only survived it, but also thrived on it.
Throughout all of my life’s crises since 2010 (there has been quite a few), Battle for the sun by Placebo has been my designated “let’s get out of this emotional shithole” kinda album.
Placebo is not my favourite band, but they surely hold a very special place in my heart. They’re just perfect for certain moods. I even used to call them my “autumn band”: for that particular kind of sadness that overcomes you with falling leaves and colder nights.
Frankly, Battle for the sun is their only album that made it out of that designated autumn soundtrack into my life’s main one. It has been with me through a lot already and whenever I decide to put it on again, it feels very much like a hug from an old friend.
There is one particular message in it that I like to – and often need to – be reminded of whenever the pain is taking the better of me. That is that:
no one can take it away from me
and no one can tear it apart
cause a heart that hurts
is a heart that works
Singing this out loud always gives me a relief. Reduces the feeling of inadequacy, puts my pain in much needed context, reminds me that it’s okay, it’s normal – healthy even! Just part of being alive. It proves I have a working heart and no fear of feeling it all. That I can take a risk of getting hurt. That I dare to hope, dream, love, open up and be vulnerable.
Maybe someone needs to hear it today as much as I do: your emotional pain is valid. Your pain is not pointless, it’s important. Just because it’s yours. It manifests your ability to love and care, which should be cherished. It makes you human. And there is an end to it.
Just hold on in there, the brighter days are coming.
dreamyania 